Thou Art Not Near
Thou art not near. Those many years ago
You came to me, and showed me many things,
The memory whereof continues, clings
Within my consciousness. Still I don’t know
The meaning of the visit, or the point:
It was a visitation, but of what?
Something was opened that before was shut,
Yet no one came, and you did not anoint
Me with a special message, or a meaning;
Did not, of your intent, give me a clue,
Except for that which at that point I knew
That spoke of my reality, its gleaning
Not that all would be well nor any promise,
But that, no matter how extreme, or hard
My life became, yet it should not be feared
Because I would not have to bear the onus
As you had given me a sure escape,
Inherent in the will of man, but deep,
So deep that it a secret from him keep,
A way out from the worst that might take shape.
Though with that there came no prefigurement
Of what, within the future, might be had,
I feared the intimation were toward bad
Instead of good, but that the broad intent
Signified there an overarching good
Whereby, for all good purposes, I might
Turn for protection, ever in my sight,
At least that is the thing I understood.
It gave my heart to rest at ease, and mind,
And with it, as it were precious endowment
It helped me to survive the present moment,
But after that, it not so clear I find.
Subsequent to that, after many years
I reached what in the world be called a crisis
Despite some stature by the world’s devices,
In which, I was cut off from my compeers
To such a great extent that I would eat
No food, and felt the body wasting thin
In suicidal tendency; but in
The midst of it I realized, to cheat
Death would be easy. Sapped was all my will,
Yet there would be an option unexplored
That in my desperation must afford
Some hope—if not the hope I wanted, still
A second best, and better one than death,
According to the message you had given,
A message without meaning, and so riven
From life I must not be, the ceasing breath
Not necessary, a poor showman’s trick,
But rather that, my hope be acquiesced
Unto the will that prior you expressed,
And thereby, alter my dilemma quick.
It may well be I fell asleep, for you
Did not appear, nor ever came again
Despite that I was in a greater pain,
And so I feel your former words untrue--
Words all unspoken, since it so appear
You have forsaken me, despite my trouble
Which, in comparison to then, seems double,
The danger zone intense. Thou art not near.