The Party would not like Diogenes
Who called himself a “Cosmopolitan,”
A term of denigration if you please,
Republicans don’t like it, to a man.
The term had Cold War popularity,
But now we say “Da! Da!” instead of nyets,
To Hicksville and to insularity,
Adopting the word from the Soviets,
A “Cosmopolitan” might be a Jew—
Such was the innuendo, or at least
Have ties to Europe—what a motley stew
Today implied, ingredients increased!
No, all those fancy, foreign-sounding dishes,
We won’t have none of those, but meat, potatoes,
For too much taste might strike palates capricious,
Like some United Nations feast, or NATO’s.
Liking one flavor only (that being catsup,
Which has its origins in foreign clime)
Evinces a small-mindedness, and what’s up
With broad experience being called a crime?
What kind of Party would laud ignorance?
Extol instead of science, superstition?
None other than Grand Old Republicans,
Party of bigotry and inhibition.
Tempered by reason, make a better life;
The net result is liberality,
Albeit unhitched from Mitch McConnell’s fife.