Enter Judge Neil M. Gorsuch and a Chorus comprising the other eight justices.
I am the very model of judicial impropriety
And brought with my ascension to the High Court notoriety,
As pundits who prognosticate the tawdry road ahead agree
Because pre-confirmation tricks left me a shady pedigree—
Because the nominee who rightfully should have preceded me
Was cheated by the senate and the vacancy then deeded me
When Mitch McConnell and his band of partisan lotharios
Subverted process sabotaging like fraud’s impresarios.
Chorus:
Subverted process sabotaging like fraud’s impresarios.
Subverted process sabotaging like fraud’s impresarios.
Subverted process sabotaging like fraud’s impresarios.
Gorsuch:
I’m very good at playing coy and saying I can’t answer that
But hidden in my crafty ploy is where you’ll find the cancer at,
And while I always offer up a face of cold sobriety,
I am the very model of judicial impropriety.
Chorus:
Yes, while he always offers up a face of cold sobriety,
He is the very model of judicial impropriety.
Gorsuch:
I view the Constitution as a document conservative,
The arc of justice bending just like outer space is curvative
But always toward the highest and the wealthiest of citizens,
Their crimes pursuing profits all considered itty-bitty sins.
You might consider me a patsy for the meritocracy
Though in assessing merit I rely on my hypocrisy,
I do my best for rich folk and bend backward giving them assist,
On issues black and white you’ll find my judgement is supremacist.
Chorus:
On issues black and white you’ll find his judgement is supremacist.
On issues black and white you’ll find his judgement is supremacist.
On issues black and white you’ll find his judgement is supremacist.
Gorsuch:
For plutocrats to tip their hats and live long lives of regal ease
They need supplies of lies and bias subtly couched in legalese,
And rich in my possession offering them a large variety
I am the very model of judicial impropriety.
Chorus:
So rich in his possession offering them a large variety
He is the very model of judicial impropriety.
Gorsuch:
The rule of law depends on trust which millionaires, not bums, acclaim,
Their confidence well-placed in me, where confidence becomes a game,
For corporations, to a man, exist a human entity,
And money talks much louder than do questions of identity—
Yet in the higher reaches please refrain from calling bribery,
Bank balances accrue in ways less tangible than cybery,
And it behooves the common man while trusting in the Court, et al.
To make believe that we Supremes will never sell him short at all.
Chorus:
To make believe that we Supremes will never sell him short at all.
To make believe that we Supremes will never sell him short at all.
To make believe that we Supremes will never sell him short at all.
Gorsuch:
Though ethically-challenged I accept my right summarily
To occupy a stolen seat though others view it warily,
And while said occupation is to justice an impiety,
I am the very model of judicial impropriety.
Chorus:
Though while said occupation is to justice an impiety,
He is the very model of judicial impropriety.