“America gave up the ghost
Because for forty years,
Although itself it liked to toast
And its ‘exceptionalism’ boast,
Yet it allowed, from coast to coast,
Ubiquity of smears.
“It was my party, I’ll admit,
That went for ‘no holds barred,’
Admitting slanders to the kit
Of dirty tricks, to help unknit
Decorum’s rules, since mother wit
Made our positions hard.
“We had to lie, to obfuscate,
To have hopes of succeeding,
And so we did: to tolerate
Masked forms of bigotry and hate
Corruption can’t tergiversate,
But must be bold proceeding.
“We lied and we corrupted words,
Declaring valor ‘for the birds,’
Morality that undergirds
Subverting, to distract the herd’s
“Reagan was our first Fraud-in-Chief,
His howdy-doody smile
Obscuring that he was a thief,
Pretending hardship would be brief
If citizens embraced belief
In fantasy and guile.
“For forty years hypocrisy
Informed the warp and woof
Of party platform: don’t blame me
If now you lose democracy—
The con was clear for all to see:
You owe yourselves reproof.
“I was a boy from Alabam,
And eager to ascend
To pinnacles of power—well, damn,
I like the world of glitz and glam—
But don’t blame Mitch for self-flimflam,
I never was your friend.
“Yourselves allowed to slander, lie,
None forced you to be conned,
So rather ask your own selves why:
I’m old and soon enough will die
Innocent of your calumny—
To heaven I’ll abscond.
“Good citizens of old Kentuck,
I’ve had an awesome travel
Since first upon my path I struck,
Diligence, hard work and good luck
Have helped me dream and make a buck
Though your dreams must unravel.
“No, don’t blame Mitch, when I have done
No crime of which you’re sinless—
It’s just I had a better run,
Your paltry wiles mine could outgun,
It’s dog-eat-dog: go have your fun,
And stay forever winless.”